…but I did it before!

Does that mean I can do it again?

Yes and no.

Yes, I can do it again.

No, it won’t be the same, nor will it be easy.

Here’s the up-to-date version of my story (Coles Notes – ain’t nobody got time for the entire thing). Four years ago, began losing weight. Two years ago, came close to hitting the 80 pound mark. Spent the last two years gaining back about 30 of those pounds.

Been a great two years, clearly.

So here I am now, struggling relentlessly to lose those 30 pounds I gained back. Actually, I’ve spent the past year attempting to lose about 25 and instead gained 5. So there’s that. And through all my struggles I’ve said one thing over and over again – “But I did it before, why is it so hard this time?!”

Why IS it so hard this time, honestly! Well, a few reasons…

• I’m not following the same program, I attribute my past success to that. But the program I was following, that worked, isn’t really available anymore (the Points Plus Weight Watchers program got phased out about a year ago, and I could not handle their new Smart Points system. Plus, the cost was getting to be too much.)
  • Side note: I do realize there are third-parties using the Points Plus math in mobile apps, but it wasn’t JUST that point system that helped. It was that, combined with the incentive of paying to lose weight, plus the meetings, etc.
• I went off the pill. I know that sounds ridiculous, but in the midst of all my weight loss last time, I went onto the pill, and part of me has always wondered if that helped my weight loss. Gains came when I went off the pill. Entirely possible, no way of proving this though.
• I’ve… aged? This one is a stretch but I’ve had a few people point out that I’m “not that spry 24 year old I used to be!” I wouldn’t think four years would affect it this much, but I’m not an expert here.
• Good lord, Kaitlyn. It’s not the same journey. That’s why it’s not as simple! You are treating it like it’s the same god damn weight loss journey when it is not.

Yeah, I needed to talk to myself for that last point there. I’ve been treating this, for the past two years, like I needed to re-lose the weight I’d already lost. Not lose weight I’d put on, but like it was… temporary water weight. Something that would be easy to lose.

So here I am, again. Attempting to re-start this blog. I will be changing the background -I’m no longer that indestructible, happy 24/25 year old girl who is okay with poutine once in a blue moon. I’m a defeated 28 year old woman who wants to give in to every craving 24/7. I need happiness and sanity and health. I need to get well, and I need to eliminate any potential distraction. I need to do this differently and I need to do what is best for me. Now, to figure that out…

Day 1 plan:

• Stay within my calories.
• Don’t give into cravings or temptations.
• Drink 2L of water.
• Get to the gym.
• Find one thing to love about myself, or be proud of myself for.

All of these pointers are key in developing an overall plan, but I’m going to take this day by day. See you tomorrow, blog-land.

My Secret Weapon

Over the past two or so years, people have asked me what my “secret” is.

Well, if I told you, it wouldn’t be a secret, would it? I’ve chosen not to tell you about my secret love for Katy Perry. Gosh, stop pressing!

No, but for real. My weight loss secrets have been simple:

1. Pre-plan. Everything. Every little thing. No excuses. And if one thing causes you to slip up, and is off-plan, don’t let it get you – simply work it into your plan.

You want an example?

So this morning, I sat down, and planned every workout for the week. If you saw my last post, you’d know how working out has been my downfall lately. So, I sat down and figured out how many workouts I’d get in, exactly what I’ll do at the gym each day, and how many Weight Watchers points it’ll earn me (Or, for me, how many points it’ll pull me out of the red for the week).

Then, this afternoon, I’m going to sit down and plan my dinners for the week. My breakfasts/lunches are always roughly the same, so no need to stress too much about those.

Easy enough, no?

 But Kaitlyn, what if something throws my plan for a curve-ball?!

Curve-ball, you say. Let me tell you: them curve-balls will ALWAYS exist. Plan and prepare for those, as well. They will ALWAYS happen. And, in the off chance they don’t… as I always say, better safe than sorry. Have a plan, and a back-up plan.

Example: Tomorrow, my food plan remains the same: Breakfast: scrambled egg whites with spinach, tomatoes. Lunch: Turkey sandwich. Dinner: TBD. I’ll do the math and figure out whatever points I have left, and save those for snacks. Exercise: 30m on the elliptical; low-impact.

CURVE-BALL: Lunch is being ordered in to the office; pizza.

When this happens, I give myself two options: Eat it, and work out hard. Don’t eat it, and stay on-plan. Admittedly, I don’t always stay on plan. It’s tough when you smell pizza! But you can go “off-plan” and plan for it. Which makes it on-plan, no?

Track pizza. Maybe do a harder workout. Throwing in the towel may seem easy. Frankly, I’ve done it too many times. But it’s not your ONLY option. Think with your head, not with your stomach. Be logical.

2. Be loud. I know a lot of people who are self-conscious about their choice to lose weight and/or get healthier. What I’ve never understood is why you’d be shy or quiet about it. Frankly, I owe 100% of my success to the fact that I’ve been extremely open about my journey. Sure, I’m certain I’ve been obnoxious at times. I’m sure I’ve (unintentionally) made people feel a little crappy about themselves. But listen to me when I say this: Those people who made me feel crappy about myself a few years ago drove me to where I am now. So, even if I do make people feel like crap about their weight, I don’t mean to. If anything, I hope to have the same effect on them that someone had on me. (Note: I know I wrote a blog post about hating being called inspirational. This is still true; I hate that word. Don’t ask why.)

In a year, when I’m hopefully at my goal weight, I’ll be driven to stay there. Why? Because I’ve told so many people that I would. I’ve forced the public to hold me accountable, whether they like it or not. I would absolutely hate the feeling of everyone knowing I’ve failed and relapsed.

Now, I’m not saying you have to do what I’ve done and shout your goals from the rooftops. Keep a few people updated, if that’s what you’d prefer. Choose someone, preferably a hard-assed friend, to keep you accountable. Choose a person (or group of people) that you know will stick to their guns, who you don’t want to disappoint. Even if any great friend should never be disappointed in you for failing to achieve your goals, choose someone who you will feel upset to disappoint. I may be very open about many things but I’m even more open about things with my closest friends. They are proud of me, and that pride pushes me to work harder.  

So don’t let curve-balls get you down. Don’t shut people out. But ultimately, find your OWN secrets. Don’t give up before you do.

I think that’s my biggest secret. Shhh.

 

PS: I’m sorry if I’m a broken record and I’ve written about this before. I’m somewhat losing my mind, but I also haven’t read past blog entries lately. Sowwie!