…but I did it before!

Does that mean I can do it again?

Yes and no.

Yes, I can do it again.

No, it won’t be the same, nor will it be easy.

Here’s the up-to-date version of my story (Coles Notes – ain’t nobody got time for the entire thing). Four years ago, began losing weight. Two years ago, came close to hitting the 80 pound mark. Spent the last two years gaining back about 30 of those pounds.

Been a great two years, clearly.

So here I am now, struggling relentlessly to lose those 30 pounds I gained back. Actually, I’ve spent the past year attempting to lose about 25 and instead gained 5. So there’s that. And through all my struggles I’ve said one thing over and over again – “But I did it before, why is it so hard this time?!”

Why IS it so hard this time, honestly! Well, a few reasons…

• I’m not following the same program, I attribute my past success to that. But the program I was following, that worked, isn’t really available anymore (the Points Plus Weight Watchers program got phased out about a year ago, and I could not handle their new Smart Points system. Plus, the cost was getting to be too much.)
  • Side note: I do realize there are third-parties using the Points Plus math in mobile apps, but it wasn’t JUST that point system that helped. It was that, combined with the incentive of paying to lose weight, plus the meetings, etc.
• I went off the pill. I know that sounds ridiculous, but in the midst of all my weight loss last time, I went onto the pill, and part of me has always wondered if that helped my weight loss. Gains came when I went off the pill. Entirely possible, no way of proving this though.
• I’ve… aged? This one is a stretch but I’ve had a few people point out that I’m “not that spry 24 year old I used to be!” I wouldn’t think four years would affect it this much, but I’m not an expert here.
• Good lord, Kaitlyn. It’s not the same journey. That’s why it’s not as simple! You are treating it like it’s the same god damn weight loss journey when it is not.

Yeah, I needed to talk to myself for that last point there. I’ve been treating this, for the past two years, like I needed to re-lose the weight I’d already lost. Not lose weight I’d put on, but like it was… temporary water weight. Something that would be easy to lose.

So here I am, again. Attempting to re-start this blog. I will be changing the background -I’m no longer that indestructible, happy 24/25 year old girl who is okay with poutine once in a blue moon. I’m a defeated 28 year old woman who wants to give in to every craving 24/7. I need happiness and sanity and health. I need to get well, and I need to eliminate any potential distraction. I need to do this differently and I need to do what is best for me. Now, to figure that out…

Day 1 plan:

• Stay within my calories.
• Don’t give into cravings or temptations.
• Drink 2L of water.
• Get to the gym.
• Find one thing to love about myself, or be proud of myself for.

All of these pointers are key in developing an overall plan, but I’m going to take this day by day. See you tomorrow, blog-land.