…but I did it before!

Does that mean I can do it again?

Yes and no.

Yes, I can do it again.

No, it won’t be the same, nor will it be easy.

Here’s the up-to-date version of my story (Coles Notes – ain’t nobody got time for the entire thing). Four years ago, began losing weight. Two years ago, came close to hitting the 80 pound mark. Spent the last two years gaining back about 30 of those pounds.

Been a great two years, clearly.

So here I am now, struggling relentlessly to lose those 30 pounds I gained back. Actually, I’ve spent the past year attempting to lose about 25 and instead gained 5. So there’s that. And through all my struggles I’ve said one thing over and over again – “But I did it before, why is it so hard this time?!”

Why IS it so hard this time, honestly! Well, a few reasons…

• I’m not following the same program, I attribute my past success to that. But the program I was following, that worked, isn’t really available anymore (the Points Plus Weight Watchers program got phased out about a year ago, and I could not handle their new Smart Points system. Plus, the cost was getting to be too much.)
  • Side note: I do realize there are third-parties using the Points Plus math in mobile apps, but it wasn’t JUST that point system that helped. It was that, combined with the incentive of paying to lose weight, plus the meetings, etc.
• I went off the pill. I know that sounds ridiculous, but in the midst of all my weight loss last time, I went onto the pill, and part of me has always wondered if that helped my weight loss. Gains came when I went off the pill. Entirely possible, no way of proving this though.
• I’ve… aged? This one is a stretch but I’ve had a few people point out that I’m “not that spry 24 year old I used to be!” I wouldn’t think four years would affect it this much, but I’m not an expert here.
• Good lord, Kaitlyn. It’s not the same journey. That’s why it’s not as simple! You are treating it like it’s the same god damn weight loss journey when it is not.

Yeah, I needed to talk to myself for that last point there. I’ve been treating this, for the past two years, like I needed to re-lose the weight I’d already lost. Not lose weight I’d put on, but like it was… temporary water weight. Something that would be easy to lose.

So here I am, again. Attempting to re-start this blog. I will be changing the background -I’m no longer that indestructible, happy 24/25 year old girl who is okay with poutine once in a blue moon. I’m a defeated 28 year old woman who wants to give in to every craving 24/7. I need happiness and sanity and health. I need to get well, and I need to eliminate any potential distraction. I need to do this differently and I need to do what is best for me. Now, to figure that out…

Day 1 plan:

• Stay within my calories.
• Don’t give into cravings or temptations.
• Drink 2L of water.
• Get to the gym.
• Find one thing to love about myself, or be proud of myself for.

All of these pointers are key in developing an overall plan, but I’m going to take this day by day. See you tomorrow, blog-land.

Fears.

What are some of my biggest fears?

– Losing those close to me

– Spiders (and various other creepy-crawlies)

– Fish, oddly

– Breaking back into the 200’s (weight, obviously)

– Life-altering illnesses

…and so on.

It’s not even 8 AM so do me a favor and don’t judge my lame list o’ fears, which are in no particular order.

Anyway, since this is a weight loss blog, I’ve gone and bolded/underlined the most relevant one there for you. Returning to the land of the 200’s. Something I legitimately said I would never, ever do. There’s no way I possibly could, right?

Wrong!

I haven’t yet returned there officially, but as of yesterday I am pretty damn close. Vacation started 10 days ago. I was 188, which, frankly, was RIDICULOUS (for me). Vacation ended? 197. And that was first thing in the morning; I have no doubt in my mind the poutine, burger and burrito that I ate yesterday sent me soaring into the 200’s. It’s something I’m terrified of admitting and, frankly, I may not even hit that Publish button.

(That sentence alone is full of reasons that I’ve gained weight; I see that, don’t worry!)

I know the common excuses everyone gives for quick gains; water weight, no one gains fat that fast, right? Well, I shot up from the high 170s to high 180s real fast and stayed there for quite some time. I thought THAT was water-weight and tried not to get tied up in that, but it stayed.

Anyway. Two things learned from this:

1. Time to get serious, for actuals this time.

2. Weight is just a number. Time to get serious about my HAPPINESS. Which should NOT revolve around a number. 

I don’t quite know how to get to both of those places, because I’ve always equated weight with happiness, but I’m sure as hell going to try.

Anyway, I had to get that all off my chest because I’ve been hiding from that truth, and it’s time to fix things. That is all. Happy Tuesday, everyone!

Old Habits Die Really, Really Hard…

…And they also re-appear real fast, depending on how self-destructive they are. Or so I’ve learned these past few years.

I’m going to preface this one with this: I’ve been a giant hypocrite, and I’ve been hiding from this blog. 7 months ago I “recommitted”. Let me tell you what I’ve done in those 7 months: I’ve eaten, I’ve been the laziest person on earth, and I’ve gained. Oh, how I’ve gained. I’ve got my belly back in full force, and no, before you assume, the only baby in there is this one:

I’m not here to make any promises, because I’ve proven in the past that my promises tend to be rather empty. I’m not here to recommit. I’ve tried that. I can keep trying, but it hurts more to try and fail constantly. So why am I here, you ask? (Or maybe you don’t, I don’t know.) Anyway, I’m here to stop hiding from the truth. Because the truth is this: I ain’t perfect, yo.

And I’ve always known that, but at the same time, for a bit there I was flyin’ high on ego-fumes. Oh my GOD. I lost *77* pounds. I must be a superhero, right? God damn you, 25 year old Kaitlyn. You were so, so, wrong. Losing weight, although is a great achievement, does not turn one into a superhero. In fact, I learned it almost made life harder for me. Not saying I prefer being overweight/obese, because trust me, THIS SUCKS. But when you lose that much weight, you lose a sense of self. At least I did. I had no idea what I looked like anymore. I was so used to being self-conscious and covering up. Body Dysmorphia kicked in hard. I figured it’d go away, and admittedly it sort-of did. Then I rediscovered my fatty-favorites.

My relationship with food and exercise is an odd one. Especially food.

Food. I have to get excited about food, or else I’m just a bummed-out poopface. I had no better way of phrasing that. Anyway. When I lost all that weight, I was mad excited about healthy eats. Healthy food, and healthy recreations of fatty delicious goods, excited me to no end. Now I’ve rediscovered my love for fatty foods. And I eat them as if I’m dying and will never be able to eat them again. Seriously, that is my relationship with food right now. Why would I choose a salad when I could have a burger because I MIGHT DIE TOMORROW AND NEVER GET TO EAT THAT BURGER AGAIN.

Newsflash, Kait. That salad won’t kill you. 7000 burgers will. But I never seem to remember this.

And then there’s that Exercise demon that I’ve been fighting for what feels like forever. I can’t remember if I’ve ever mentioned this in the past on here, but I despise exercise. And that’s an understatement. Hell, I’m writing this right now to put off doing housework, which counts (somewhat) as exercise. I have some extreme gym-anxiety, though. It sucks hard. I have no clue how to get excited about it. I figure one demon at a time is good, but the exercise helps when I slip and fall with food. Man, I don’t even know what to do there. I’m legitimately stuck. I should just suck it up and go. Once a week even, that’s more than I am doing now. I was doing well a few months back. Did a good month of constant gymming. Then I went away for a week, and ever since it’s been a total write-off. And I’ve also shot up 10 pounds since then, cool right?

I have a rough outline of goals I would like to make. I want to feel good again. I don’t want to hide behind baggy clothes. I want to have some confidence again. Not too much, but enough to be an enjoyable person again.

Anyway, reason for posting this is simply to stop shying away from this blog. Possible step one of a x Step program that I’m developing as I go. Cool, right? Maybe I’ll patent it when I’m done. (But are we ever done!? Gettin’ existential on y’all here.)

(SIDENOTE: God, I just lost EVERYTHING I wrote. Spent a good 20 minutes trying to recover it. Important thing is I eventually did. Woooot.)

Confessions of the Old Me

This’ll be a short one. Prepare yourselves, for I’ll be back. I hate being a cliché, but tomorrow will be my first day back in gear weight-loss-wise. 2015, you’re mine. 2014, thanks for the extra 8-10 lbs.

More to come tomorrow. I’m going to enjoy my last day here, and prepare for my new, better life.

My Secret Weapon

Over the past two or so years, people have asked me what my “secret” is.

Well, if I told you, it wouldn’t be a secret, would it? I’ve chosen not to tell you about my secret love for Katy Perry. Gosh, stop pressing!

No, but for real. My weight loss secrets have been simple:

1. Pre-plan. Everything. Every little thing. No excuses. And if one thing causes you to slip up, and is off-plan, don’t let it get you – simply work it into your plan.

You want an example?

So this morning, I sat down, and planned every workout for the week. If you saw my last post, you’d know how working out has been my downfall lately. So, I sat down and figured out how many workouts I’d get in, exactly what I’ll do at the gym each day, and how many Weight Watchers points it’ll earn me (Or, for me, how many points it’ll pull me out of the red for the week).

Then, this afternoon, I’m going to sit down and plan my dinners for the week. My breakfasts/lunches are always roughly the same, so no need to stress too much about those.

Easy enough, no?

 But Kaitlyn, what if something throws my plan for a curve-ball?!

Curve-ball, you say. Let me tell you: them curve-balls will ALWAYS exist. Plan and prepare for those, as well. They will ALWAYS happen. And, in the off chance they don’t… as I always say, better safe than sorry. Have a plan, and a back-up plan.

Example: Tomorrow, my food plan remains the same: Breakfast: scrambled egg whites with spinach, tomatoes. Lunch: Turkey sandwich. Dinner: TBD. I’ll do the math and figure out whatever points I have left, and save those for snacks. Exercise: 30m on the elliptical; low-impact.

CURVE-BALL: Lunch is being ordered in to the office; pizza.

When this happens, I give myself two options: Eat it, and work out hard. Don’t eat it, and stay on-plan. Admittedly, I don’t always stay on plan. It’s tough when you smell pizza! But you can go “off-plan” and plan for it. Which makes it on-plan, no?

Track pizza. Maybe do a harder workout. Throwing in the towel may seem easy. Frankly, I’ve done it too many times. But it’s not your ONLY option. Think with your head, not with your stomach. Be logical.

2. Be loud. I know a lot of people who are self-conscious about their choice to lose weight and/or get healthier. What I’ve never understood is why you’d be shy or quiet about it. Frankly, I owe 100% of my success to the fact that I’ve been extremely open about my journey. Sure, I’m certain I’ve been obnoxious at times. I’m sure I’ve (unintentionally) made people feel a little crappy about themselves. But listen to me when I say this: Those people who made me feel crappy about myself a few years ago drove me to where I am now. So, even if I do make people feel like crap about their weight, I don’t mean to. If anything, I hope to have the same effect on them that someone had on me. (Note: I know I wrote a blog post about hating being called inspirational. This is still true; I hate that word. Don’t ask why.)

In a year, when I’m hopefully at my goal weight, I’ll be driven to stay there. Why? Because I’ve told so many people that I would. I’ve forced the public to hold me accountable, whether they like it or not. I would absolutely hate the feeling of everyone knowing I’ve failed and relapsed.

Now, I’m not saying you have to do what I’ve done and shout your goals from the rooftops. Keep a few people updated, if that’s what you’d prefer. Choose someone, preferably a hard-assed friend, to keep you accountable. Choose a person (or group of people) that you know will stick to their guns, who you don’t want to disappoint. Even if any great friend should never be disappointed in you for failing to achieve your goals, choose someone who you will feel upset to disappoint. I may be very open about many things but I’m even more open about things with my closest friends. They are proud of me, and that pride pushes me to work harder.  

So don’t let curve-balls get you down. Don’t shut people out. But ultimately, find your OWN secrets. Don’t give up before you do.

I think that’s my biggest secret. Shhh.

 

PS: I’m sorry if I’m a broken record and I’ve written about this before. I’m somewhat losing my mind, but I also haven’t read past blog entries lately. Sowwie!

A fresh start… Tomorrow.

So I’ve been MIA. I’d apologize, but I’m almost certain no one noticed. If they did, hurray. I guess what I say is more important than I realize!

While I’d like to say my disappearance from the blogging world was something I simply forgot to do, I’ve been actively avoiding it for months. I’ve been scared of putting what I’ve been doing down in words. Because let me tell you, I haven’t done much good. I can’t say I’ve been bad, per se. But not good.

So, just before the Christmas/New Year’s break, I had something miraculous happen: I hit my 75 pound milestone. Which was absolutely spectacular, I was over the moon. I wasn’t really sure why I was having such sudden, large losses (I hadn’t had a loss in months before that, and I had sudden, consistent ~2 pound losses for a few weeks), but I wasn’t complaining. I felt smaller, I felt awesome. It was great. Then, as always, Christmas and New Year’s happened, and I shot up at least 4 pounds. So there went my losses. Luckily, it only took me a month to lose them again, so not so bad.

My New Year’s resolution this year was to get in the gym more. One thing I had noticed near the end of 2013 was that I was not going nearly as much as I would prefer. So, goal was to get there more and tone up. Because I’ve lost a good portion of weight now, I’m comfortable with what I weigh, so now I can go and tone up and get comfortable with how I look.

Confession time: I went once. It’s nearly the end of February and I’ve gone to the gym ONCE in 2014.

I realized that the other day and that is when the mind started putting puzzle pieces together. I’ve lost weight, quickly. But do I REALLY feel better about myself? When I’m not wearing clothes, I feel like a ball of blubber still. When I ran to the bus the other day, I was exhausted immediately. I should be able to run that easily. When I flex… nothing. No muscle. My arms and my legs. I’m tired… constantly tired. So that weight I loss to hit my 75 pound milestone that made me oh-so happy? I lost muscle. The WORST kind of weight to lose.

Upon realizing this at first, I got really down about it, but ignored it and kept it in. But this weekend came along and I just spewed my feelings to my friend… and having those feelings outside of my brain just made them so real. And thats when my feelings exploded.

I realized the one thing that I always knew, but chose to ignore – Only I can push myself, mentally, to face my fears.

You’re possibly confused about what I mean here when I say “fears”. I actually have a ton of anxiety built up with the gym. See earlier post regarding my seizure disorder. So, when I know I’m going to the gym on a day, I will spend the entire day getting worked up and anxious about it. And about an hour before I’m supposed to go, I get the mad shakes, dizzy, nauseous, etc. and am in no shape to be putting myself in physical “distress” (I’m word-blanking… I’m sure there’s a better word for this). So, I then choose to go get something sugary (in case the shakes and dizziness are actually low blood sugar, which I’ve been known to suffer from, and has similar symptoms to my gym-anxiety), sit on the subway, go home, sit on the couch, and proceed to spend my entire evening lazy as all hell. And then I go to sleep, and repeat.

Anyway, I came on here to commit to myself, in writing, that starting today I would be making more of an effort to get to the gym. I had a plan to go to the gym after the Canada/Sweden Women’s Hockey game, however I just realized my gym bag with my running shoes is at work… crap. So… I guess, as I always say, starting tomorrow, more effort. I feel like crap saying that. Urgh.

Confessions of a (lazy) Epileptic

Pick five words to describe yourself. Go.

Me? Quirky. Silly. Lazy. Excitable. Epileptic.

I’m sure I could think of more for myself. But those are five that I would say describe me, and two that I wish didn’t.

Yes – I have Epilepsy. What’s Epilepsy? I have seizures. What’s that Kaitlyn, you fall on the ground and foam at the mouth? No. I have a combination of Simple Partial seizures and Complex Partial seizures. They have little to do with my motor skills and plenty to do with me just acting like a complete crazy person for a minute. The most they affect my motor skills is my eyes twitch (and I’m pretty sure I look possessed – I am completely unconscious when they happen and therefore lose memory of that minute or two of my life).

I have once had a Grand Mal (Tonic Clonic) seizure, but that was my own fault. I was 15 and went cold turkey off my meds because, as the stupid 15 year old I was – I wanted to go drink with my friends. Needless to say I didn’t drink, but instead woke up in a hospital hooked up to machines.

Anyway, so you’re sitting there reading this wondering, “What in the world does this have to do with Weight Loss?!” I’m sure. Well, there’s a story here!

When I was 14 or 15, I was put in the hospital for five days for testing. They wanted to induce a seizure to see what exactly happens to me when they happen. I was hooked up to a million machines and stuck in a room for five days. Not to mention this was when the SARS outbreak happened, so I was only allowed two visitors – my mom and my sister. They had me do so many things to try to get me to seize. The one thing that FINALLY worked? They had me run on a treadmill (or was it a bike? I can’t really remember…) I was going HARD, then put on “Catch Me if You Can”, lied down completely EXHAUSTED, and had a seizure in the bed. No one was around but there was cameras in the room so it was caught on tape. Good news: ticket out of the hospital. Bad news: exercise made me seize.

To this day, I am afraid of going too hard at the gym in fear I might seize. And I really get worried that, because of my lazy tendencies, my fear of the gym sometimes comes across as excuses/laziness, because I rarely admit to my fears. But I’m not even sure if it’s just all in my head, or if its actually something that could happen. Lets face it: they were TRYING to make me seize – I was not medicated. I am very medicated now.

Learning your own personal limits and ignoring others telling you what is right and what needs to happen is sometimes a tricky line to face. I constantly have friends telling me to go to classes at my gym because they’ll “help”. I’ll admit this openly: I’m AFRAID of those classes. I’m very in control of my limits and don’t like being pushed. But sometimes I wonder – should I try to be pushed past my limits? Should I try setting my fitness goals higher than normal?

I shouldn’t be concerned with what others think of me, but I really don’t want to come across as lazy when it comes to my exercise. Sure, I’m lazy when it comes to cooking, cleaning, taking out the trash, doing my hair, makeup, etc. But I don’t want to feel lazy when it comes to my exercise.

I’m really usually one to face my fears, but this is a fear I don’t quite know how to conquer. And I rarely admit this to anyone, but this is why I sometimes “skip” going to the gym. I always regret it and always feel lazy, but sometimes I just need to remember that my brain health is more important than my physical health, especially when my physical health is on the mend and isn’t completely trashed.

Confessions of the Fat Kid

Throughout my journey of Weight Loss, I’ve met a lot of people (online and in life) who are also losing weight, whether using the same methods as me or otherwise. Everyone has a different story. Some have gained weight in the last few years of their life, some have never tried losing until now. Some have never had to lose. Some have always been overweight but have never tried. Some have always been overweight and have tried incessantly.

Point is, everyone has a different story. Here’s mine.

Growing up, I wasn’t always the fat kid. As a child I wouldn’t say I was overactive, but I wasn’t lazy. I didn’t play organized sports, but I regularly played tag with my friends. I was an average kid. I might have been a little big boned but I still aspired to be a Spice Girl when I grew up and you’d be damned if you tried to stop me.

It wasn’t until 6th Grade that I felt fat. And I can recall the very first moment I felt it.

So I was what, 11 at the time? I can’t totally remember. I was at the cusp of puberty. Girls were beginning their “cycles”, boys were noticing us more, etc. I think I was considered one of the “big boned” girls but never thought twice about it.

Near the end of that year, we had to have a second set of “summer” class photos done (Lord knows why – they had never done this before). When the photo sets were returned to us for viewing, we were all sitting in a group and passing around photos for us to share. That’s when I heard Spencer, the uh, “special kid” (for lack of a better term – the annoying bully with a ton of ADD), laughing at his desk next to mine. (And yes, I remember this clear as day)

“Whats so funny, Spencer?”

“You look like you have your period in this picture!”

I remember then – and now – thinking, “What the hell?!”

And then I felt legitimately fat for the very first time. I knew that was his way of skirting around saying it.

I moved along through that year, and the next two at a different school (not because of the bullying – after grade 6 we move along to middle school where I’m from). As my body changed, I grew more and more uncomfortable with myself. It was in 8th grade that my mother approached me about losing weight. Her and my sister were starting Weight Watchers and she wanted to know if I wanted to join. I don’t remember much about agreeing, to be honest, but I remember when I was done, being the most confident with myself that I’ve ever been. I weighed 130 pounds… I have never since weighed that little (nor do I think I ever will… I simply don’t want to!) I went into high school wearing size smalls, being extremely confident and making friends left-right and center. I figured, I’m happy at my weight, I won’t go to Weight Watchers again.

Bad mistake. I started gaining again almost instantly. I thought nothing of it, I got up to 140 and said, “Eh, that’s not bad, I’ll just keep an eye.” Then 150. Then back to where I started – 160. And so on and so on…

I started my first part time job when I was 16 at McDonalds. That’s when things spiraled out of control.

By the time I went off to University I was 200 pounds. And you know what they say about the Freshman 15… well, lets just say I doubled that. And to top it off, I guess when you gain that much weight that fast, it is NOT carried well. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so huge, and I’ve weighed more than that since then. But that was the worst I’ve ever felt, and to top it off, I was trying to make friends at the time. I failed miserably. I had 3, maybe 4, friends in first year University. My friends from home came to visit me so frequently and I can never thank them enough, because I was so lonely that year. I was ready to transfer back home.

Throughout University I lost and gained the same 20 pounds. The summer would come, and I’d be determined to lose weight. I’d go to the gym, lose 20 pounds. I’d get back to school, gain about the same.

When I graduated, I started my first “real” job – an Editor. I sit at a desk for 8.5 hours a day. When I started I was about 210, if I remember correctly. About 6 months in (when I started WW again), I was 36 pounds heavier. I gained more at this desk job than I did with school, with working at McDonalds, with anything else in my life. I have never gained it so fast either. Proof right there that desk jobs will do you in.

Now I am at a good 181 pounds (and will shout it from the rooftops), and continuing to shrink. A year and a half ago I was 246. I would never before admit that, but I don’t care anymore. I will never be that big again. That’s what some determination and good self-control will do. It always helped that I chose to surround myself with supportive people.

And that’s my story.

Confessions of a Girl who has Learned her Lesson

I am a big believer in making mistakes. Why? Well, how else do you plan on learning?! Some things you just can’t read in a book. For me, the most efficient way to learn – and I’ll be blunt – is to f*ck it up the first time.

This weekend has taught me leaps and bounds just from the mistakes I’ve made. Other than the obvious, “don’t eat everything you see,” of course. I have learned that when I fail and make mistakes, I get motivated to do even better than before. It’s like when a drug addict has to hit rock bottom before they can heal. You get worse before you get better.

For me – it took eating an entire pizza for me to realize that I am doing something wrong.

These last few weeks have been completely motivation-less (thus explaining the lack of posting – I’m sorry! I have had some people mention it to me, and I will try to stay on top of it, promise!). I woke up on Saturday, knowing I was going to weigh in, and I was laying in bed assessing how my journey to the scale may go. I’m usually a good predictor (although, not as much lately apparently). All week, I thought I’d be up, for sure. But that morning, I swore I’d lose. I thought I’d be down at LEAST the 0.3 pounds I needed to hit my 65 mark (I know; 0.3 of a pound seems menial – trust me, I’m aware.) So when I stood on the scale and was EXACTLY the same as last week, I was upset. Which I realize in hindsight was stupid of me, but sometimes you can’t control your emotions. 

So what did I do? Instead of saying to myself, “Okay, lets turn this around!”… I ate. I ate Tim Horton’s breakfast. Then I ate an entire small pizza.

Then I lied on my couch feeling absolutely disgusting. And I tracked that pizza – 36 WW points. That is INSANE. Especially considering I get 30 in a day, and that was just at 2 PM. So I was motivated – to change and to do something about this. So I sat there and pre-tracked all of my activity for the week. And pre-tracked my meals as best as I could. And added in more activity than normal.

And THEN – dragged Adam (boyfriend) out for a walk (longer and quicker than he anticipated… sorry!)

Lesson learned and motivation regained, all from eating a pizza.

Now don’t get me wrong – I’m not telling you that if you’ve lost motivation, EAT FOOD! I’m just saying, sometimes it takes a real big f*ck up to learn your lesson.

Today is a new week, a new day. 

Confessions of a Patient Person

I think the most common question I get is, “How long have you been doing this?” And I tell them the truth; since January 2012. So, as of right now, just over a year and a half. To lose (almost) 65 pounds in a year and a half seems decent. But when I tell people that the math works out to less than a pound a week, they question it all completely. “Wow, that seems… slow.”

Didn’t your mom tell you? Slow and steady wins the race, guys.

Or maybe that’s just me. Because I was never the winning type.

Patience is probably the biggest virtue you can gain when you are losing weight. You need to be patient. I hear SO many people, myself included, saying, “Oh, I want to lose x lbs in x weeks.” Guys, you can’t tell your body how much weight it wants to lose. It’s gonna do what it wants to do. Trust me on this, you only have so much control over that number. Sure, you can control the direction in which it heads, but in this year and a half, the one thing I’ve learned is that it’s never going to be what you expect.

This is why I stopped giving myself timelines to lose weight. I feel like I’m always setting myself up for failure when I do this. Not because I personally end up actually failing, but I get this sense of failure when I don’t make it. It isn’t my fault – the scale went in the right direction, just not ENOUGH for me to be happy.

It’s really all about the way you look at things. 65 pounds lost in a year and a half? Better than 65 pounds gained in any amount of time. You have to learn to take what you can get, and look at things in a positive light. Sure, some fad diet can make me lose 16-20 pounds each month GUARANTEED. But I don’t care about that. I care about being healthy in the future, for myself and for my family. I’ve stopped caring about right this minute and started thinking in the long term.

Sure, the way I am living is making me lose less than a pound a week on average. But that’s better than the gaining I was doing before.

This is not a race. It’s not about who crosses the finish line first, and it’s not about how fast you get there.

Do not let the bumps in the road get you down. Take them as experiences to learn lessons and move along.

I sound like a motivational speaker right now, but it is SO true. I have learned more in this past year and a half than I did in the five years of my undergrad. Patience is key. The longer this takes me, the more I will learn.

This is not a race.